a Confession
by javamoose
Summary: [Warning: House of Hades of spoilers.] Nico tells Percy about his feelings.


Hello lovely readers! Long time no update, huh?

Tumblr user awesometastical101 drew up a little a comic and I absolutely loved it, and so it inspired me to write this little oneshot.

Hope you enjoy!

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Without my consent, Jason takes a seat beside me by the door of the Hades cabin.

"So, you're going to do it today?" He asks nonchalantly, as if this weren't the scariest thing in the planet and Tartarus to do.

I run a trembling hand through my hair and nod stiffly, "Yeah, I figure."

He nods, "It's going to be okay man, this is Percy we're talking about."

I give me a sideway glare, "Yeah, you're right. I mean, this is only Percy Jackson, who cares if he hates me."

Jason sighs, "He's not going to hate you, Nico."

I close my eyes and hope for that more than anything. I don't want to lose yet another person in my life. I don't want to lose Percy Jackson.

Jason throws an arm over my shoulder and gives me a reassuring squeeze. "You'll see it's going to be okay."

Under normal circumstances, I would have sent Jason straight to Hades for daring to lay a finger on me, but for once, I am grateful for the gesture.

"I hope you're right." I whisper, because I know that if I raise my voice above a murmur it will crack.

Just then, Percy opens the door of his cabin in the distance and stretches, smiling at the sun. He trips on his third step down and nearly face-plants the ground.

Jason's guffaw draws Percy's attention to us and he stomps in our direction in mock rage, "What are you laughing at, Grace?"

Jason retrieves his arm and I feel an emptiness begin to settle. Suddenly, I realize just how terrified I am.

"And to _think _you're the guy who defeated Kronos and Gaea." Jason shakes his head, grinning carelessly at him.

Percy rolls his eyes at him, "You know what, I-"

His eyes catch on something behind us and when I turn around I see Annabeth sitting in the grass, teaching some of the new kids about Greek and Roman mythology.

A smile tugs at the corners of Percy's mouth, "Okay, so maybe those things only ever happened because Annabeth was there to make sure I didn't die in the process."

Jason shares glance with Nico, "Anyways, I gotta roll."

And without so much as a simple explanation, he flies off into the general direction of the Aphrodite cabin.

"Show off!" Percy shouts after him, sporting that cunning grin that I just can't look away from. He glances down and acknowledges me for the first time since his arrival, "Isn't Hazel coming today?"

Against my will, I feel my face become guarded and my gaze becomes a slitted glare, "Yeah."

He nods his head, obviously uncomfortable.

"That's cool, send me a shout when she comes." He glances behind his shoulder, "Uh, anyways, I'm gonna-"

"I actually wanted to talk with you about something."

The words come out steadier than I ever thought they would. I bite down on my lip. No turning back now.

Percy's face immediately morphs into one from discomfort to one of concern. "Sure, man."

I push myself off the porch of my cabin, but my arms shake so badly I fall right back down.

"Dude, are you okay?" His eyebrows are scrunched up together and his eyes won't unglue themselves from my face.

I wave it off and stand up, using the railing to pick myself up, "Yeah, yeah. Uh, can we go talk somewhere more...private?"

"You're shaking." Percy notes, his worry increasing with each passing second.

I ignore him and walk toward the meadow. All the Demeter kids who usually hang out there are at the forest today, curing the nymphs from the Roman attacks a couple weeks ago.

He walks behind me silently, only stopping to say a word when he passes Annabeth.

When we're finally at the meadows I turn around and he nearly crashes into me because of my sudden stop.

"What's going on, Nico?" He asks cautiously, looking me up and down.

It's embarrassing for the first few seconds because I can't get the words out my throat and when I finally get a word out it sounds like it comes from a toad.

He reaches a hand out and places it on my shoulder, "Nico?"

I glance up to meet his eyes and it's like a blow to the stomach.

What if he never wants to see me again after this? What if he mocks me for my feelings? What if he tells me to never talk to him again?

To Hades with it.

"I'm sorry for having been so cold with you for the past-what is it, four years? Yeah, I'm sorry for that."

He pulls his arm away and shakes his head, "You have nothing to apologize for."

I focus on the ant hill a few feet away from us, "I just want to talk to you about...about how-about why-"

I clench my shaking hands into tight fists and shut my eyes.

"I don't blame you for acting the way you did or anything, I get it, I get why-"

"No, no you don't. Not at all." I manage at last, my voice an octave lower than usual.

He tilts his head, "I understand that because of Bianca-"

I laugh dryly, "It's not even about her anymore. It hasn't been for a while now."

He doesn't reply, but rather he gives me a questioning look.

I take in a shaky breath and begin, not daring to meet his eyes. "I...I have had a crush on you since I was ten years old."

I sneak a glance up at him...no obvious repulsion yet, but there is confusion. Okay, confusion is better than disgust.

"And I...I acted the way I did with you because of that. I wanted you as far away from me as possible because I hated myself and you for my feelings. I...And I understand fully that you do not share these affections with me, I really do." My throat is dryer than I've ever felt it be before. "I'm simply telling you all this because I figure that by telling you all this, it will be easier for me to accept it myself. And...I'm so sorry for that."

I wipe away the wetness on my face in frustration, not having realized that tears had spilled.

"Oh."

My chin quivers and I wish it would stop. My heart twists in my chest and it's getting harder and harder to breathe.

"Yeah...so, I'm really sorry. I understand that you probably don't want to talk to me anymore. That's why I'm going to leave-"

"What?"

I glance up at him and am shocked by the hurt in his eyes.

"Why are you apologizing? And why would I not want to talk to you anymore?"

My mouth's agape, not quite understanding what he's saying.

"I-because I am what I am...and I get that-"

Percy shakes his head, "Nico, you're one of my best friends. I don't want you to drop off the face of the planet again, I care about you. And just because you happen to have had a crush on me isn't going to change anything. You matter to me just as much as you always have, man."

I gawk up at him.

"I'm just sorry that it had to be me you know, because you deserve someone so much better. But dude, I am still your friend, I'll always be."

I'm too stunned to react when he pulls me in for a hug. It takes me several seconds to realize what's happening and for me to return the gesture to him.

"Thank you," I whisper, feeling at peace for the first time in my life.

I guess Jason was right, talking about it really does help.


End file.
